dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
