he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
