i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's just like the Real World with babies
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
