I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
