Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Randomize
