So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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