bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
