He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
