No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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