Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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