Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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