I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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