a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
