i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
