sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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