i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
