It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
