Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
