My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
