Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
