the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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