I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
