i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
