My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
