So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
