yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the condom got lost in my hair
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
