He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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