Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
