3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
