i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
