Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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