I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
