life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
