I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I supernannyed him into submission
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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