You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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