If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
