i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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