Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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