I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
