sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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