I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
