So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I got inside last night via doggy door
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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