we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
