Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just cropdusted the office
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
