Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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