Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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