just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The Olympian is in my bed
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
