Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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