Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
