what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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