The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
