i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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